The howling modality

This year, 2024, had a major significance for me, I heard I wasn’t alone in this significance. I figured I should mark this Aquarius Blue Moon in Aquarius style, since I am one. I had free time, I was in a semi-destructive attitude, no clear plans for the future… why not? I was thinking. I packed my sleeping bag and my photo gear in my rucksack and I chose a forest to view the event. This particular event was in my attention too much not to notice it. It hadn’t occurred to me at that time, but it is now – I was encouraged to go in the forest, I was feeling like shit after my divorce and this moon kept on hitting me often. I felt a strong calling to be alone in the forest, to be alone with the moon. So, I did.

I didn’t go too deep but deep enough, away from human activities. I knew a naked rock and I went there without a clear plan. Blind adventures have their challenges, but it wasn’t a big deal. I had no food with me, I relied on forest berries and the forest was quite generous with me. I had my sleeping bag my camera, as I was saying, I also carried climbing gear, that that was heavy, but it was all. A good prepper would have told me to have at least a knife, I had.

Anyhow! I get there in one piece, in the forest’s silence I can only see traveling the sounds of a river, 200m below me. I did see the sounds, its strange, I’ll leave it at that.  Being alone in the forest at night, in an area with heavy wild traffic, ready for a fast meal, is going to make you see the things you hear. I set up camp on a 1 by 1 m rock. It was the best spot where I could protect myself from wild animals and the wind. It was a bitch to sleep there, my legs were hanging outside the cliff and, to change position during the night sleep, I had to stand, hook my carabiner onto another rope system and continue to sleep until I had to to it again, and I did this until the sunrise. No, it wasn’t pleasant, in case you ask.

I set up everything before the night fall and I’m waiting for the moon, sitting with my padded back against a tree. I’ve sat for a long time, I wasn’t cold nor hungry, I was just lost in thought thinking about my impossible situation. It crossed my mind a few times to leap into empty space bu I kept on dreaming, making plans for a way out of my hard life.

I like to think that my private encounter with the full blue moon has helped me to find hope for my life, even dared to to wish some happiness for me. I didn’t dared to touch on my love situation, that was long gone and never to be seen again. Well, it was a stage in my healing process, I did found it few months later. This trip was not a scientific one, it was a way to go where I can find some help, I was practically dead but only God new about my existence, he might have thought he should show me that I wasn’t a lost case. He was right, I did found ambition inside me to come out of that forest. Oh, not to forget, I was barefoot all the time, I was feeling the dirt and the stones agreeing with whatever I was thinking. Yes, another peculiar experience, the stones would “hurt” my soles when I was having dark thoughts.

I came down the mountain feeling charged, I had more hope, a few ideas and a heavy road to recovery. I remember the sound of the river and the silence of the night. When the moon appeared, it was surreal, the moon’s light was reshaping the tips of the trees, I felt the parallax effect standing still feeling a bit dizzy from so much excitement and visual mystery. On the way down, I filled my belly with blackberries and turned to fight for my own life much stronger