I was having me a few difficult nights and days due to excessive confusion over a bottle of self talk from the madness vineyard. My thoughts were about to spiral out of control, is very easy to lose control when I feel like the world is spinning too fast for my life’s preference. The other night, Spirit had a different approach than the usual pep talk under the candle light. This being said, I start my usual sleeping procedures, mad, confused and feeling like I wanted to fuck it all, once and for all… again! I dream on many occasions, I have great expectations when I fall asleep, regardless of my emotional state. I travel often with my eyes closed, sometimes is hard to make a distinction between night and day, but don’t tell this to anyone.
The dream begins, this time I fell asleep so fast and so heavy, I hadn’t recognised the transfer from the angry and awake to dreaming. Is not a tragedy, losing control (letting go) is something I am learning to do, is something spiritual, not losing it on purpose. Anyway, I was a dad with a 10 year old son, we were asking around, trying to find a career for him or a side hustle. What was I thinking, trying to find a job for my little son? He is a cello player in real life and I took this knowledge with me in this dream, somehow, I felt the need to find him another job. Yet… I thought we should look around. And we did, and find something interesting, baseball player that is. Dear sonny was getting mighty good at it, as fast as they show progress in the movies. The stadium was full, up to the roof and all spectators were touched by madness with game fever, they were screaming, throwing toilet paper on the field and some other unprovoked actions, unique for this type of event. I was drumming like mad, mimicking the same spirit, obviously, I’ve gotten the bug too. My drum was immense and, as a result, my arms were unusually long. And, baby, I hit those drums like I hated them with a passion or two. Our team was on fire, they were wining and we, the ones cheering for our team, were ecstatic and confident about our imminent victory. I don’t know the rules of this game, but, the last ball made us lose the game. Our side was devastated and we were forced to observe the victors expressing the feelings we were supposed to have.
The next and last scene is in profound silence. In a dark room, over the piano, a priest was standing in a chair with his face in his palms. He too was suffering because a team of 10 year olds lost the game. He was in a genuine torment. The priest was devastated, almost crying. A nun knocks on the opened door, enters and said with a cold, pious voice: The Pussycat Dolls, Fuck off, Sex Pistols and Mayhem (music bands) are here to see you. The priest looks at the nun, they both have a very sacred and serious paint on their faces. After a short but intense silence, he gives a final desperate and long look… and nods, telling her that he will be there in a moment.
All night, Spirit sent me fun activities to be part of. You see… I didn’t notice until now, but I forgot how to smile.
On a more serious note, I have another example of finding some moral support in my difficult times. I wanted to buy a gift for my son this Christmas, but I had no money (don’t dramatise it) and I asked Spirit to deliver him a dream from me, as a gift. They did, I’ve told my son about it the next day and he told me about his dream, scary close to what I’ve sent. It was my first attempt of this sort. I am not complicating things here by going deep in the rabbit’s hole, is not the place, but I can tell you this much, when you are at your lowest point in life (or close) and you are convinced that you are alone and hopeless, try this – close your eyes and make an effort to pour love into your heart, just imagining it will do, don’t stress about it. When you are ready, ask for help. I was definitely surprised at my first try and I took matters a very long way along with Spirit.
The baseball player ↓

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FIN
Roberto Palu
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