Remember when you saved me? You didn’t, I jumped! Guess who I found at the bottom of the cliff? What cliff?, you’d ask, I’ve been always in the clouds, you’d say. And, besides, I will jump off of any cliff before any of your misdeeds over me are going to push me off anyway. Moreover, whatever you remember about me is only a reflection of your evil spirit, I had to pretend to survive around you. Do lie to yourself as you walk through life that you saved me and the smiles on my face are your creation, it will be fine with me, away from imaginary cliffs.
I found, in the darkness, who I was before you, a bit changed by a life that is not easy with the naïve, but the reunion was fantastic, tears and all. For crying out loud, the landing was softer than your egotistical breasts and… remember this, even my screaming while falling from imaginary cliffs towards unspecified bottoms had more passion in contrast with the screams you pretend to have, keeping your eyes shut tight to avoid looking at me. I know one thing, I am not climbing back up to rejoin the pogo monkey dance with the angels of opportunity. I prefer the cold and dark self where I can always find rum and music, and whatever I need it turns out, with little effort of my imagination. Imagination is not a good tool for long-term philosophies, though. Imagination is there for manifesting big dreams, not for the aftermath of surviving falls. My epiphany has fractured the world’s time-line and I was skilled enough to shift my life trough it.

I seem lost, I am looking clueless at a cobblestone street, lit by a yellowish light, hanging from a copper cloud… you all look funny from down here. Down here, the light intensities are in control of my steps and my direction depends solely upon my intuition and faith, as for the rest of mysterious desires and directions… I have to figure it out again while time and life are getting softer on my heart. I am saving myself (I never need it anyone’s help to save me) and never tell it to anyone because they’ll try to save me back, to keep them company in their own misery, let me fall, hateful people! Life is nothing if everything is a lie, or is something, just the same.
The evil inside me is playing (me) on my fears – it constantly fine tunes my nightmares, dreams that I wouldn’t normally have and be mindful enough to fight them while sleeping. The devil’s dreams are pushing me out of sleep before I can figure out a way to deal with them, as I would do in real life or successfully deal with them if I was having an uninterrupted sleep. It is vengeful and steals my sleep, feeds on my sleep… I will not be able to recognize reality or dream and I fear I will extinguish the only light on my street if I continue to feed my nightmares with lies and traumas. The loss of this little yellowish light could not be my biggest fear, I am terrified of bad dreams that I can’t control since nightmares are reflecting back a reality of my real life that I refuse to deal with.

I am at the edge of a cliff, above the tallest trees, spreading my thoughts on thin air. She runs towards me in horror as I step away from her, speeding up into my own story. She lied to everyone, she pushed me, she was the one. Remember when you saved me? You didn’t, I jumped… but I hadn’t fallen, I had walked under a yellowish light to hide from you and expose my dreams to myself.
“I love you!” – the one who believes in truth and understands love knows exactly who I told this to.

________________________

FIN

Roberto Palu